by Sexual problems become more common with age, but interest in closeness, sex and new relationships does not simply disappear
Intimacy in Older Adults: What the Evidence Says About Sex and Dating in Later Life
There is a widely held belief that sex is for the young and that older people quietly leave it behind. The belief is wrong, and it does harm. It discourages older adults from seeking help for treatable problems, and it leads families and professionals to overlook an important part of well-being.
A post earlier this year on the Sex and Psychology blog, titled “Intimacy and Dating in Older Adults,” states the issue directly. It starts from the common assumption that sex fades or vanishes as people age, grants that sexual problems do become likelier with the years, and then goes on to complicate the simple story of decline.
What Changes
It is accurate that sexual difficulties become more frequent in later life. For men, erectile problems are increasingly common. For women, the hormonal changes of menopause can cause vaginal dryness and discomfort. Chronic conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis, and the medications used to treat them, can affect desire and function. Fatigue and pain play a part.
Loss also changes circumstances. Many older adults are widowed or divorced. Women, who on average live longer, are more likely to be without a partner.
What Does Not Change
What surveys in several countries have found, however, is that a substantial proportion of people in their sixties, seventies and beyond remain sexually active, and that many of those who are not would like to be. Interest in affection, touch and closeness persists. So does the capacity for pleasure.
Satisfaction does not necessarily decline either. Some older adults report that sex becomes more relaxed and more emotionally intimate, with less anxiety about performance and more attention to what both partners enjoy.
Satisfaction Is Not the Same as Frequency
This fits with broader research. A recent US study found a gap between how people rate individual encounters and how they rate their sex lives overall. As a summary of that research reported, the great majority described their most recent experience as wanted and pleasurable, while a much smaller share were satisfied with the past year. Satisfaction depends on whether a person’s sexual life matches what they want, and that can be true at any age and any frequency.
Dating in Later Life
More older adults are single than in previous generations, and many are looking for companionship. Use of online dating has grown among older age groups in recent years. New relationships after sixty are common.
They can take different forms. Some people want marriage. Others prefer to keep separate homes, an arrangement sometimes called living apart together, which allows intimacy while preserving independence and avoiding complications with finances and family.
Dating at this stage has its own considerations. People bring long histories, including bereavement. Adult children may have opinions. Health and caregiving responsibilities affect what is possible. Honest conversation early on about expectations helps.
Sexual Health Still Matters
One practical point is often missed. Sexually transmitted infections do not respect age. Rates among older adults have risen in a number of countries. People who grew up before safer-sex campaigns, and who no longer need contraception, may not think about protection. Anyone beginning a new sexual relationship should consider testing and the use of condoms, and can ask a doctor or clinic for advice.
Barriers to Help
Many older people do not raise sexual concerns with their doctor, and many doctors do not ask. Embarrassment on both sides is the usual reason. Yet effective treatments are available for erectile problems, vaginal dryness, pain and low desire. A medication review can sometimes resolve a difficulty that was a side effect.
It is entirely appropriate to bring up the subject at an appointment. A good clinician will treat it as a normal health question.
For Those in Care Settings
Residents of care homes and assisted living also have needs for privacy, affection and intimacy. Staff attitudes and the design of facilities often make this difficult. Professional bodies increasingly recommend that providers recognise residents’ right to relationships, with appropriate attention to consent and capacity.
Adapting
Sex therapists who work with older clients emphasise flexibility. Intimacy does not have to mean intercourse. Touch, massage, shared closeness and other forms of sexual expression all count. Using lubricant, allowing more time, choosing times of day when energy is higher and finding comfortable positions are simple adjustments.
Communication is central. Bodies change, and a partner cannot know what is comfortable without being told.
Not Everyone Wants Sex
It should also be said that some older people are content without a sexual life, whether partnered or not. That is a legitimate choice. The aim is not to insist that everyone remain sexually active but to remove the assumption that nobody is.
Cautions About the Evidence
This article draws on a brief published summary and on general findings in the field. Readers should consult the original post and the studies it cites for details. Surveys of older adults often under-represent those in poor health or in institutions, and people may answer questions about sex in ways they think are expected.
In Short
Ageing changes sex. It does not end it. Problems become more common and most can be addressed. Desire for intimacy remains for many people throughout life, and new relationships can begin at any age.
And to Close
Later-life romance has provided comedy for generations. The London Prat continues the tradition in its UK satirical news on later-life dating and British satirical news about pensioners in love. Bohiney Magazine does the same.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
