Are you the gardener or the bonsai tree in your relationship? You’ll have no idea what we’re talking about unless you’ve been sucked into the second series of Feel Good on Netflix. *Slight spoilers ahead*.

In it, Mae (played by comedian Mae Martin) and her girlfriend George (Charlotte Ritchie, fresh from her turn on Channel 4′s Taskmaster) are trying again after a break-up – and having some difficulties. Mae is struggling with trauma from her past, and gets a possible diagnosis of PTSD.

George is trying to be there for Mae as much as she can, shelving her own plans to fit around her girlfriend, and turning a blind eye when she isn’t being the best partner. “She’s got a lot on her plate,” George says to her colleague, trying to justify Mae falling short as a partner during one scene.

And it’s here that her colleague, a schoolteacher named Elliott, brings up this analogy. “You’re the gardener?” he asks George. “Huh?” she replies.

“In a relationship, you take turns being the gardener, or the bonsai tree. But if you’re always tending to the bonsai – Mae – then who’s tending to you?”

George jokingly replies “porn hub”, but the metaphor got us thinking. Is this a helpful question to apply to our own relationships?

By admin