Annie Lane

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He’s a hard worker, which appealed to me, as I’ve always been the breadwinner in previous relationships. But lately, I feel like he’s not putting any effort into the relationship.

For one, we always hang out at my house. I’ve only been to his house three times in the two years we’ve been dating.

For another, he does not allow me on his social media. He refuses to accept my friend requests, and he never posts any photos of me.

We used to see each other once a week, but lately he’s been working so much that we only see each other once a month. I get that he’s busy, but it’s starting to seem like he really doesn’t care whether he sees me or not.

I confronted him about this, and he got upset and accused me of trying to stir up drama. I’m not trying to stir up drama; I just don’t want to go through this anymore. When I told him as much, he hung up on me. Apparently, it’s annoying to him when I share my feelings.

As his girlfriend, I expect to see him more than once a month. We only live 20 minutes apart! I’m just not satisfied with the level of attention I’m getting in this relationship at this point. He does frequently tell me that he loves me, and he calls me every day. But I sometimes feel like I’m an afterthought.

What is your opinion on this?

— Back-Burnered

Dear Back-Burnered: It sounds like he’s got another pot on the stove. And if he’s not cheating on you, he might as well be. Only seeing you once a month, never having you over to his place, excluding you from his social media — of course you’re not satisfied. He’s feeding you scraps.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you a proud part of his life. The sooner you end things with him, the sooner you open yourself up to bigger and better things.

Dear Annie: I just read the letter from “Riley” who came out as gay and his family is not supportive. Your advice to seek out help from the Trevor Project was solid.

I just wanted to say to Riley: I was there. I have seen my friends kicked out of their houses at your age. But now we are all so comfortable, and there is a whole world of people like you who love you so much. This is the hardest part. I am SO proud of you and am sending you my love.

— Elder Gay

Dear Elder: I heard from quite a few folks who had walked a lonely mile in Riley’s shoes when they were younger. Here’s another such letter.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Riley.” I am a 38-year-old member of the LGBTQ community. When I was outed at 18, I was kicked out. My mother has since warmed to the idea but still isn’t 100% accepting.

Riley, please look for LGBTQ clubs in your school and surrounding area. Being a teenager is hard; being a teenager who isn’t accepted by their parents is excruciating.

You will learn that the LGBTQ community is close and tightknit because it’s our “chosen family” since many of our blood families are not accepting of us.

Times are slowly changing, and ingrained prejudices are slowly being chipped away, but until there is a time when no child feels inferior for whom they love, know that “we” are here, and we love you, exactly as you are!

— Happily Married Mother

Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.

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