- People have used generative-AI chatbot ChatGPT for many tasks, from writing cover letters to coding.
- Insider asked dating coaches what they think of ChatGPT’s advice for online and in-person dating.
- Some of ChatGPT’s advice was impressive to the coaches, but they all think their jobs are safe.
Thanks to technology advancement, dating should be easier than ever, with several ways to meet people online, keep up with them on social media, and talk to them through text and video calls.
But even with multiple apps and bar options, it’s hard to know how to navigate the world of dating.
Endless blog posts and guides explain how to approach someone you’re interested in, or even how to break up with someone. But now, artificial intelligence is involved.
Insider asked ChatGPT for a range of relationship advice, like how to build a dating app profile and how to know when you want to marry your partner. Four online and in-person dating coaches gave their feedback on the chatbot’s advice, and while some of them found it impressive, none of them thinks their jobs are at risk.
While some of the more general advice from ChatGPT can help, Amy Nobile, who owns dating coaching service Love, Amy, said there are deeper layers to relationships that AI can’t get to.
“There’s tone, there’s intuition, and there’s emotion, and all of these nuanced human qualities,” Nobile said.
Below are some of ChatGPT’s responses to Insider’s relationship questions and what the human relationship experts think of them.
Nobile said ChatGPT’s advice to mention something in a man’s profile is “decent,” but that its advice to “be respectful and considerate of his feelings and boundaries” and be “confident and direct” makes no sense, because it sounds more like advice for an in-person meeting.
Her first piece of advice is to have an opener you always use.
“Ask a question that you are genuinely interested in knowing the answer to,” Nobile said. Some examples include asking about their favorite podcast or brunch spot.
“I think the more modern advice is, you want less people to like your profile,” Nobile said. “You want to be so specific in your profile about what you want, who you are, and what you like, that you’re not getting a million likes, that the people who are liking your profile are more aligned with you.”
Max Alley, an online-dating coach who runs Match Up Online Dating Coaching in New York City, said examples of “complaining about past relationships,” include saying “no hookups” or saying you’re looking for people only willing to commit.
He said one big thing ChatGPT is missing is videos.
“It’s still newish, but on Hinge and Tinder, videos are the best type of content out there,” Alley said. It should be silly, fun, not super show off-y, short, and should have your voice in it.”
Having a video can help the algorithm boost your profile.
Alley said he would advise against adding too many travel photos, and instead opt for photos from your life to show who you are on a day-to-day basis. He also said he recommends a fuller length photo and photos without sunglasses.
“In online dating, you want to stand out, whereas ChatGPT is going to show you what it thinks you’re supposed to put on a dating profile,” Alley said.
Alley said he talks about conversation strategies differently between men and women. ChatGPT’s advice is more geared toward men, Alley said, because they are more relevant to courting someone. He said he sometimes recommends that women bring up controversial or heavy topics to vet whether or not they’re interested in a man.
“Women, when they come to me, they’re like, ‘how do I vet this guy,’ because for heterosexual women, often the men are ready to go out with them once they’ve already matched,” Alley said. “Women’s goal is not to necessarily build attraction or build connection, it’s to figure out if this guy’s a psychopath or not.”
Alley said he thinks some of ChatGPT’s advice could apply to non-heterosexual couples too.
Paris and Joseph Dixon, a married couple who run the RealBlackLove matchmaking agency and dating app, said they would add if you’re asking someone on a date, you should tell them why you want to go with them.
“Find reasons of commonality and then say, ‘Hey, I would love for us to get to know each other a little bit more, would you like to go out?,” Joseph said.
“Anybody who’s cutting the cord or breaking up with someone, we have to consider the exact scenario,” Nobile said. “If someone’s been rude or betrayed them in some way…you don’t need to be in person. It’s more dependent on the situation and what’s led up to the breakup.”
Nobile said a person who is ending a relationship also should be mindful of protecting their own boundaries.
Paris said it’s also a good idea to practice the breakup and know what you’re going to say. Like Nobile, she said how the breakup goes depends on how you and your partner have drifted apart.
Paris said she would add that you need to qualify why you love the person.
“Understand why you’re in love and what you love about that person,” she said. “It’s just important to let your partner know your feelings are genuine, but there’s a process to falling in love with someone, and there’s an emotional attachment that happens based off of experiences.”
Nobile thought ChatGPT’s advice for how to know if you want to marry your partner, was “very good,” and that it mirrors some of her own relationship advice.
“I have a three-four rule, so early on in dating, you need to check four boxes,” Nobile said. “That is connection and chemistry, core value alignment, emotional maturity and availability, and readiness.”
Nobile said this advice is tricky, because someone can do all of these things for their own self-validation, not because they’re actually interested.
“They can flirt, they can touch you, they can have sex with you, they can call you whatever beautiful names, they can text you all day, it literally does not mean that they even like you,” Nobile said, or that they like you enough to pursue a deeper relationship.
Nobile said it’s a good point to remember that people can’t assume anything, and that conversations about compatibility and core values need to happen early in the relationship.
Dealing with human behavior is “really tough,” Nobile said. “You can’t give people one size fits all answers.”
Joseph said he’s not afraid that ChatGPT will put him and his wife out of a job.
“The whole point is getting real-life feedback from someone who’s actually been through it,” Joseph said. “A robot has never been through these feelings, these emotions, these situations.”